thehorsefunder

In the sun-baked torment of an all day dressage show – all day meaning how long you have to stay rather than the 6 minutes of competition – the mind can turn to people watching. The ebb and flow of teams as they roll up, prepare and then compete is a fascinating window on the weird world of dressage. Again there are tiers of teams –

– Formula One – full on pit team of technicians an dangers on to change tyres (bandages), fill tanks , wipe brow of driver/rider/horse, carry jackets,spout tactics, training and psychology. Usually accompanying the mandatory union-jacketed, perfectly presented rider with a bespoke trainer and latest communications system; making sure that notwithstanding the comms pack everyone can hear the training loud and clear. This caravan of hired help and hangers on follows from pop out to working in, to competition arena and on to score board with matching jackets and sycophantic commentary interacting with other teams only occasionally and with suspicion. This team is especially prevalent for ponies where the hierarchy of very rich (non-horsey) high achieving owner/daddy stands close to (very lucky) highly paid trainer, with orders barked to protégée who usually reacts by pulling even harder on the expensive pony’s mouth to “get it up (and through)” and throwing a strop when it objects ( presumably on the basis that how could it object when you have spent so much on it)…. Formula One teams are expensive and successful.

– Formula 3 – may share a trainer but will have a dedicated groom and probably a mother to follow doggedly around and prepare the horse/pony which the rider couldn’t possibly be expected to do. A smaller entourage at ringside but usually a few hangers on to support the team enthusiastically. No union jack I am afraid as they cannot afford it. Formula 3 are small tour and want to be Formula One.

– Formula None – there is always one, turning up alone and groomless in an old box. The team is really just the horse and rider and they live in a permanent state of hyper-anxiety as to how the get through the various tests with no help other than the charity of those around the ring to remove bandages or read the forgotten test. Formula None are relieved to simply to complete the test (and then go home to do the mucking out themselves).

These swirl in front of the observing horse funder who is desperate for the joyful success of Formula One but happy with the expense of Formula None.

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