Tag Archives: dressage families

Around the ring at an all day show

1 Jan

In the sun-baked torment of an all day dressage show – all day meaning how long you have to stay rather than the 6 minutes of competition – the mind can turn to people watching. The ebb and flow of teams as they roll up, prepare and then compete is a fascinating window on the weird world of dressage. Again there are tiers of teams –

– Formula One – full on pit team of technicians an dangers on to change tyres (bandages), fill tanks , wipe brow of driver/rider/horse, carry jackets,spout tactics, training and psychology. Usually accompanying the mandatory union-jacketed, perfectly presented rider with a bespoke trainer and latest communications system; making sure that notwithstanding the comms pack everyone can hear the training loud and clear. This caravan of hired help and hangers on follows from pop out to working in, to competition arena and on to score board with matching jackets and sycophantic commentary interacting with other teams only occasionally and with suspicion. This team is especially prevalent for ponies where the hierarchy of very rich (non-horsey) high achieving owner/daddy stands close to (very lucky) highly paid trainer, with orders barked to protégée who usually reacts by pulling even harder on the expensive pony’s mouth to “get it up (and through)” and throwing a strop when it objects ( presumably on the basis that how could it object when you have spent so much on it)…. Formula One teams are expensive and successful.

– Formula 3 – may share a trainer but will have a dedicated groom and probably a mother to follow doggedly around and prepare the horse/pony which the rider couldn’t possibly be expected to do. A smaller entourage at ringside but usually a few hangers on to support the team enthusiastically. No union jack I am afraid as they cannot afford it. Formula 3 are small tour and want to be Formula One.

– Formula None – there is always one, turning up alone and groomless in an old box. The team is really just the horse and rider and they live in a permanent state of hyper-anxiety as to how the get through the various tests with no help other than the charity of those around the ring to remove bandages or read the forgotten test. Formula None are relieved to simply to complete the test (and then go home to do the mucking out themselves).

These swirl in front of the observing horse funder who is desperate for the joyful success of Formula One but happy with the expense of Formula None.

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Success

1 Dec

There is no such thing as success in dressage, unless you ride Totilas, in which case just as you achieve it it is snatched away by someone richer than you. To the extent you achieve success on your own terms beware. A “successful” British rider is not quite good enough for the international circuit. A “successful” pony is an expensive old one which requires steering round the course by a rich young rider (to be handed on to the next in due course). A “successful” rider is a rich one training in the right yard with the right trainer and the right connections, with a flash Dutch/German horse recommended by the aforementioned trainer. A “successful” trainer sells a strange and usually foreign “method” , excluding all others and charging as much as possible whilst looking for the video and the next best thing.

True success of course is different and something the THF can only hope for in the Strictly synchronised swimming world of dressage. The personal satisfaction of training your difficult young horse to do the test; a place rosette; a happy and grateful child are not the stuff of true dressage, where patronage, backbiting and the following of rigid and fashionable form are the order of the day. Learn this quick and with cash you may truly find success as a THF.

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Beware the friendly Adviser

1 Nov

The extraordinary level of jealousy, prurience and plain bitchiness which imbues the dressage world cannot help but amaze the Funder. The lengths to which “friendly” advisers will go to put down and undermine the funded, to their faces or behind their back are legion and bemusing.

Examples –

[to the Funded’s face, having just had unprecedented and unheard of success at a high level]

– “of course the judges in the non-international GP can never spot good riding/rider/horse anyway”

-” Who’d want to be judged by X anyway” [X being a former international rider list 1 judge who just happened to give the Funded a high mark]

[behind the back – but reported by another friendly adviser – of a funded who has just spent 10 years training a horse from 2 to GP!]

– ” she’s just a lady who lunches” [like there is any time for lunch]

All designed in a classic level of insecure bullying to reduce the self-esteem of the Funded, keep her in her place and stir noxious and debilitating rumour. Because the dressage world is so insecure, reliant as it is on whim, soundness, hierarchy and money, maintaining this insecurity suits those (nearly) at the top. Interestingly those who have really made it don’t seem to need this – some of them even talk to a Funder. It is the 2nd tier wannabees who haven’t and won’t make it to the top who really make trouble and make me sick.

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The International element

1 Sep

The best way to be considered truly excellent is to avoid competing in the UK (see also horses). Absence makes the reputation grow larger

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Stables/Yards (obsessive cleanliness)

1 Aug

Just as the military say ” if it moves salute it – if it doesn’t paint it white”, there is an unhealthy obsession with tidiness in the dressage world. This is seen not only in the primly painted approach to presenting horse and rider for competition, but most clearly in the paranoid supercleaning of the average yard, with highly paid trainers chasing behind horses with scoops to avoid any blemish in the sand. All rather bemusing to the novice THF.

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Tack (or pretty in pink)

10 Jul

Tack carries the same issues as method, a matter of expense and fashion. The fashion is both visual and technical, and ranges from bits that are full on Jaws with a mouth full of metal to alternatives which only Heath Robinson can have devised. Systems of levers and pulleys, with reins like spiders webs, appear to be the only option for some unruly beasts. Each of course is guaranteed (by experts – for which see below) to control the uncontrollable, gain instant and light engagement and be phenomenally exclusive and expensive. It is extraordinary that after centuries of riding and high school there are so many novel solutions to the age old problem of a rider being unable to control their horse. But there you go. I particularly admire the makers of bling tack (especially the Swarovski brow bands) which is increasingly de rigueur and without which it seems that you cannot compete as you are neither socially acceptable or even likely to get above 60%. At least that is what we are told as THF’s when the wallet is demanded again.

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Sportsmanship in Dressage (or any other equestrian activity)

29 Apr

Dressage is an essentially individual activity unsullied by the team ethic that infects such real sports as cricket and rugby. It really is every man/woman for him/herself. As a THF you can soon get into the swing of things where “good luck” means “hope that pheasant hops out at D again”, and “lovely new horse” means unprintable things about another THF. The sense of anticipation as a particular rival enters the arena in a high wind is especially acute, akin to the show jumping ring where “oh bad luck” signifies 3 fences down, a refusal and a merry jig behind the horse box. There are of course teams in dressage but, other than those put together through patronage etc for national/international purposes, these tend to be impervious circles of acolytes revolving round a rider and combining grooms, family (to the extent not watching TV at home) THF and other supporters, each circle oblivious to other revolving circles floating like schools of jelly fish around a show, intersecting only occasionally at the score board for the “oh well done” (for meaning see above). Dressage is of course intensely personal, and plays on the paranoia of participants who are constantly subject to the vagaries of horse behaviour, conditions and the extraordinary and incomprehensible vicissitudes of judges.

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Dressage – A Sport ?

23 Apr

Lesson 1. There comes a time when someone will try and persuade the long-suffering THF that Dressage is a sport. Be strong – they do not really mean it. Dressage is an opportunity to show off, to spend money and to network. I am not talking about the practice of High School which is of course unbelievably difficult, requiring years of genuine horsemanship, dedication and training. Though that is a noble combination of nurture, science and an art, it is absolutely not a sport. I am talking about what purports to be the level playing field of competitive dressage, where the rich man wins and the poor one loses unless they know a rich man ( who cannot ride). Where scores and success appear determined by name and fashion, trainer, contacts and patronage. Once you learn that almost all is pre-ordained and that you should not attempt to disturb the natural order, then will you achieve contentment at the ringside. Until then all is frustration and thwarted ambition. Think of it as ice dancing or synchronised swimming with cash and go to the “competition” with a drink, warm clothing and the true mind of a cynic and you will survive – you might even enjoy the show.

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How to survive the world of Dressage (and related activity) – Observations from the Frozen Ringside

3 Apr

Much is written by and of equestrian dressage stars and wannabees. To the uninitiated a narcissistic vortex of media mash; to the cognoscenti an unending source of interest and inspiration. Much less however is heard of the (increasingly) poor “support” team, that has little interest in horses and none in dressage other than that acquired innocently and unexpectedly through marriage and blood ties. But without whom none of the first category would survive.

The Horse Funder knows his place and his role as deeply subordinated funder of first and last resort, required to have no opinion other than the right one (i.e. that of the Funded). There have of course been some bold THF’s who have expressed a personal and independent view. The silence and looks of disdain that follow such foolish outbursts ensure these are limited and that the true order of things is soon restored.

After 25 years of watching and listening it seems only right to set out a number of observations and some rules of the road. The focus is on the true novice THF, but there are useful digressions outlining steps towards higher levels of horse funding. I cannot hope to dissuade, but merely inform, the novice THF who may be setting out on a career of expense and disappointment with innocent optimism and an as yet undefiled cheque book.

So…..it is a truth universally acknowledged that a young female in possession of an averagely wealthy parent and an equestrian bent is in need of therapy. Unfortunately the world does not operate like that and what they get is a series of inescapable temptations and opportunities put in their way to satisfy their desires and deplete the family coffers. The most common amongst these are set out in these notes. Many have yet to be observed and categorised for they are legion. They will however be exposed…

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